On Religion, Sexuality and The Hypocrisy Hanging Between Katy Perry’s Naked Tits

Here’s a quote from an interview California Gurls singer Katy Perry did with the UK’s Star magazine.

“It does not matter if it’s Madonna or my boyfriend doing it – if you put sexuality and religion in the same bottle and try to shake it up, it’s not cool.”

Go ahead and ponder that while I explain to you why I loathe Katy Perry.

For those who don’t know, Katy Perry is the child of two Christian pastors. That’s why she’s so pure and never walks around in public looking like a two-dollar hooker from Atlantic City. Katy’s religious beliefs pushed her to pursue a career as a Christian singer in 2001. As you can well imagine considering she now likes to pretend she’s a skanky lesbian, that career failed.

Her second attempt at a record contract also failed.

Any guesses on what happened to her third attempt?

It wasn’t until 2008 that Katy began to be noticed in the music world. Her song I Kissed a Girl propelled her up the charts. In the wake of its popularity, her 2007 song Ur So Gay also began to get some attention. It was at this point that my hatred toward Katy started to blossom.

Here is a sample of some lyrics from Ur So Gay:

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys

Ah, yes. The good little Christian girl who couldn’t make it singing about Jesus decides to string together some stereotypes about gays and pass it off as a pop song. She’s just so classy and devout. And when that doesn’t necessarily work, she pretends to be bisexual, releases I Kissed a Girl, and sits back and takes your money.

In other words, when Jesus didn’t work out, she decided to use homosexuality to her advantage.

Now she’s got her panties in a bunch because performers such as Madonna and Lady Gaga mix sexual imagery with religious imagery in their work. According to our good Christian girl Katy, that’s a big no-no.

“It does not matter if it’s Madonna or my boyfriend doing it – if you put sexuality and religion in the same bottle and try to shake it up, it’s not cool.”

Thank you so much for that thought-provoking statement, Katy Perry. Now you can go back to spraying whipped cream from your tits while you play a game of virtual Candy Land. Nothing like putting sexuality and childhood games in the same bottle and spewing the results from your breasts, right?

As far as I am concerned, use all the sexuality you want to further your career.  If people don’t like it, they can choose to ignore it.  I felt Katy exploited the gay community with I Kissed a Girl and so I chose not to listen to it.   What really gets my goat, however, is when Katy decides to lie around naked on a cloud and then get all sanctimonious when other performers use sexuality.

Katy Perry is a hypocrite. She’s plays with sexual imagery just as much as anyone else in the business. Hell, she even used a sexuality that isn’t even hers to jumpstart her career. That hardly seems like the Christian thing to do. Sure, many pop tarts have gone down the lesbian route before. Madonna’s a prime example. But Madonna doesn’t turn around and say using sexuality is wrong. She owns her kiss with Britney, supports gays and lesbians, and has no problem when Lady Gaga steals her mojo and writhes around with some hot guy while dressed as a nun.

But I’m sort of forgetting the religious part, right? Katy’s not upset about the use of sexuality. Her pretending to be bisexual is not the issue. She’s upset about the use of sexuality when it’s paired with the religious. That’s right. I almost forget.  But she’s still off her rocker. Hell, if it’s not bad enough to be a good little Christian girl who routinely simulates fellatio on stage, I’ll just let this photo do the talking for me.

Notice the cross hanging between her huge naked breast.

On Ranch Dressing, Cellular Devices and The Privilege of Choice Rendering Me Incapable of Making a Decision

Have you ever run into the grocery store just to buy one simple item that you just desperately need? Let’s say that item is salad dressing. In fact, let’s say that item is ranch salad dressing. You just really need that ranch salad dressing or tonight’s dinner will be ruined. So you run into the grocery store, bypass grabbing a cart or basket, and skid to a halt in front of the aisle housing that ranch salad dressing you so desperately need. You enter the aisle and find yourself face-to-bottle with roughly 2,000 varieties of salad dressing. Of those 2,000 varieties of salad dressing, roughly 570 belong to the ranch family. You have peppercorn ranch and fat free ranch and low fat ranch and light ranch and lite ranch and buttermilk ranch. You have ranch salad dressings made by Kraft and Wish-Bone and Briannas and Paul Newman. Suddenly your task of grabbing some salad dressing is not so simple

Which dressing do you choose?

I wish I could help you with that problem, but I simply cannot. I cannot even help myself. As it turns out, I am standing in a proverbial salad dressing aisle staring slack-jawed at the 2,000 varieties of dressing, and I have no idea which to choose. The privilege of choice is proving to be just too daunting. If only I were merely trying to decide what to pour over my salad for dinner. Instead, I am facing a much more difficult choice.

I am trying to buy a new phone.

I’ve had my little blue flip phone from U.S. Cellular for what seems like ages. So much has changed on the cellular landscape since I picked up the little guy for free all those long years ago. And while he’s been mostly good to me, it’s high time I get a cellular device (as opposed to a simple phone) that can keep up with the big dogs. I just need to decide what that cellular device is.

After much research, I have at least decided it’s time to drop U.S. Cellular as my provider. I have had nothing but excellent service from them, but they just do not have the kind of phones I’m looking for. Sorry, U.S. Cellular, but it’s time I end this call.

Having made that decision, the whole cellular world is now my oyster. And yet, that just makes my decision that much more difficult.

My gut instinct is (was?) to get an iPhone. I have an iPod Touch and I love everything about it. If it could be my phone as well as my best friend, I’d be thrilled. And what is the iPhone if not an iPod Touch that makes calls? The choice seems simple really. I should just get an iPhone.

The major issue with that is AT&T. I have many friends who own iPhones and they all grumble about the horrible service they receive on AT&T. If I am going to pay for cellular service, I want to make sure I’m able to actually use it. I’m not convinced that will be the case with AT&T. Pair that with the negative press the latest version of the iPhone has been getting, and my gut instinct really starts to sour.

All the while, I have been hearing amazing things about the HTC Evo, the new 4G phone offered through Sprint. Many say that it is the true leader in the race for cellular dominance, and that its design and performance far outreach those of the iPhone. I’ve held it in my hand, and it’s a nifty little gadget. From where I stand, it looks like it could be the phone for me. And to top it off, it won’t leave me tethered to AT&T the way that the iPhone would.

Another enticing option is the Droid Incredible by HTC. This phone is offered through Verizon, and I have hard mostly great things about both the phone and the service. I have also held this guy in my hand, and it seems on par with the HTC Evo. The big difference is that the Evo is a 4G phone and the Incredible is a 3G phone. Luckily, I have no real idea what that even means.

So what should I do? Should I go with my gut and get an iPhone? Or should I go with an HTC? And if I do get an HTC, should I go with the Evo on Sprint or the Incredible on Verizon? You tell me.

I can’t say I’ll go with the majority on this one, but it can’t help to hear from the peanut gallery. Otherwise, I’m liable to stay undecided until the next wave of cellular devices flood the market and my decision becomes even more torturous.

And I’m hoping to order a phone by next week so please make it snappy.