On Thievery, Utopia and Singing <i>Kumbayah</i> in My Alternate Universe

I’m not above a little thievery. I am, however, a mostly honest man. And so when I do decide that I simply must steal, I rarely do so without acknowledgment. Thus I would like to introduce this post by acknowledging one Alexander, the brilliant keeper of Voenix Rising . What follows was his idea. I am just stealing it for my own gain. And if he minds, there’s really not much he can do about it. He lives too far way to beat me up.

Alexander’s idea is to imagine what life would be like in an alternate universe, where infinite possibilities exist. In his alternate universe, for example, “Madonna is aging gracefully, having traded her cone bra for torch songs about ten years ago.” I won’t hold that one against him, however, considering that over in Alexander’s universe “Rush Limbaugh is a pig farmer in rural Arkansas.”

The more I got to thinking about an alternate universe, the more I began to enjoy the life I was creating. And while nothing can ever be perfect and adversity will always find a way to prevail, it was quite soothing to imagine my own little utopian society.

If only in my mind, here are a few examples of how life in my alternate universe would be:

▪ Teachers would be paid more than professional athletes.

▪ The unemployment rate would measure those who actively choose not to work.

▪ The iPhone would be available on multiple networks.

▪ The oil spill in the Gulf would never have happened because we would never have become dependent on oil. (Alexander, who is far smarter than I, suggests that “every home and business in the American southwest is powered by solar energy and the rest of the country runs on wind and geothermal power.” I think I’ll steal that as well.)

▪ Glee would be a worthwhile viewing experience every week.

▪ Marriage would be solely about love and not politics, gender or religion.

▪ Facebook would be unnecessary because we would make every effort to actually stay in touch with those we consider our friends.

▪ War would simply be a card game.

▪ People would be free to choose their own beliefs, learning from others without judgment or persecution.

▪ The words “reality television” would never be thought of or spoken.

▪ Death would not be something to be feared.

▪ Luggage would always fly free.

▪ Neither the paparazzi nor tabloids as we know them now would exist, leaving Perez Hilton to gossip only about the other queens at his local gay bar.

▪ Rachel Maddow would be President of the United States.

▪ Radio would play more than the same 20 songs over and over.

▪ Politics would be about making life better for the populace and not petty plays for power.

▪ Gyms would be funded by the government and free to all people.

▪ Television networks would not be so hasty to cancel well-loved shows.

▪ AIDS and cancer would only exist in science fiction.

▪ There would be no snakes.

I could go on for days, but I think you get the idea. Life in my alternate universe would be good. We’d be a global community of happy respectful people. We would sing Kumbayah on a weekly basis.

And now I am curious. What would life be like in your alternate universe? Would Sarah Palin be no more than a housewife in Alaska? Would healthcare be free for all Americans? Would Linsay Lohan have won an Oscar and stayed off drugs? Would George W. Bush have become the first King of the United States of Texas? Would I be a famous novelist?

The sky’s the limit. Anything goes. It’s your chance to play God for a moment.

Tell me what life is like in your world.