On Rush, Elton and A Big Gay Sellout

“When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation.”

Well, isn’t that a charming and witty sentiment. The lips from which those words fell must belong to a truly compassionate human being who believes firmly in equality. Surely whoever uttered those inspiring words is the kind of person to be revered by the gay community for his bravery and undying commitment to universal civil rights. Clearly a true modern hero in the vein of the great Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke those words.

If this person were to ever marry, I could think of no one more suited to perform at his wedding than openly gay singing sensation Elton John.

In case you are dying to write a letter to the man who spoke the above quote in order to thank him for all he has done to further equality in this country, I am happy to report that that man is none other than the one and only Rush Limbaugh. You might also want to include a word of congratulations in your letter. Rush Limbaugh was married this weekend. And, in a fitting play of events, Elton John performed at the wedding.

Let me say that again in case you missed it.

Rush Limbaugh, conservative radio host and outspoken gay marriage opponent, was married this weekend and Elton John, gay musician and champion for gay social movements, performed at his wedding.

Check the sky, people. Somewhere out there a pig is flying free.

To be fair to Elton John, it is being reported that he was paid one million dollars to sing a few songs at the nuptials of a man who would fight tooth and nail to keep Elton from marrying were Elton an American citizen. That’s a lot of money. And, frankly, I can’t imagine Elton’s career has been doing all that well as of late. Did you know Elton released an album in 2001? And then he released another in 2004? He even knocked out a third in 2006? I bet they are getting heavy rotation on your iPod, right?

Yeah, me too.

I guess it’s important to get your name in the papers somehow when you are an aging rock star who hasn’t had a hit since The Lion King was released. Sure, maybe that musical you recently wrote is a mild success, but that’s hardly enough to keep you relevant. Besides, that musical is all about acceptance and following your heart. It’s a bunch of hooey. Why ride on that publicity wave when you can jump in the deep end with a bigot? Scandal sells. Right, Elton?

As for Mr. Limbaugh, I bet it was a real coup for him to wave some cash at a real live gay and get that silly queen to do his bidding. I honestly can’t imagine it was anything more than a joke. His fourth wife and he are probably still doubled over in laughter as we speak.

Or perhaps all the rumors are true, and Rush is really just a big homo hiding behind his mask of hatred.  I mean, it’s his being a pig that gives him a name and a paycheck.  Maybe that’s all it is to him.  And perhaps he and Elton stole away for a game of slap and tickle while the bride was busy running the prenuptial agreement through her lawyers.  And maybe Elton’s going to use that hefty paycheck to do something very chivalrous for the gay community.  And maybe one day soon Elton and Rush will run off to West Hollywood together and live happily ever after.

And maybe I’ll be on the cover of Men’s Health magazine next month.

Putting my cattiness and bitchiness aside, I know that a job is a job. But if you are Elton John, I have to believe you can be pretty damn picky about the jobs you choose to accept. And accepting a job singing at the marriage of a man who publicly and hatefully does not believe you yourself should be afforded the same right just does not sit will with me.

Shame on you, Elton. What would have gone through your mind should you have heard Rush speaking to one of his guests at the open bar? Would you have bent over and taken it, knowing all the while that your paycheck would ease the pain and humiliation just enough? “When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation.”

But what does it mean when a gay person turns his back on himself?