On Noah, Child Protective Services and Dressing Like a Thirty Year-Old Cougar at a Frat House Halloween Party

Meet Noah.

Noah is nine. Her big sister is Miley Cyrus. Noah likes ponies. Noah likes The Jonas Brothers. Noah likes summer vacation. Noah also likes to dress like a thirty year-old cougar at a frat house Halloween party.

Did I mention that this girl is nine?

I need to get my hands on the number for Billy Ray Cyrus. Obviously he’s unaware that his daughter is at some charity event dressed like a slut. Would someone please let him know? And if he doesn’t seem to care, let him know that the daughter dressed like a slut for the paparazzi is not Miley. It’s Noah. And Noah is nine.

What is wrong with these people? I’m sure all little Noah wants to do is follow in her big sister’s footsteps. And I’m sure all Noah’s mommy and daddy want to do is rake in a few more million dollars thanks to one of their daughters. But do they really need to parade their nine year-old daughter around like she’s some kind of Wiccan prostitute?

I can almost see her twat! And she’s nine!

I know that sex sells. I know that Miley and Britney and Lindsay all made a killing selling sex long before they were even old enough to legally have any. And yet, that’s nothing compared to this little girl. She’s only nine and she (or someone named Billy Ray Cyrus) already wants people to see her as some kind of sex symbol.

If she releases a music video involving a plaid skirt and a glimpse of her panties within the next nine years, I’m calling Child Protective Services,