On Proposals, The Pussycat Dolls and An Exercise in Expanding Your Imagination

Imagine, if you will, that you are sitting in the front row at the Britney Spears concert. I know that’s a hard image for most of you to conjure, but I have copious amounts of faith in your ability to fool yourselves. I also have copious amounts of faith in your willingness to follow me down any silly path on which I choose to lead you (even that addictive path known as Twitter).

Now image that before Britney wows the crowd with her musical prowess, those legendary hookers known as the Pussycat Dolls slink around the stage singing hit after hit, shocking a crowd that had no idea the group was responsible for so many mind-numbing pop gems. They strut and squat and generally seem like they are really enjoying almost exposing themselves to thousands of young impressionable girls.

At some point during this fantasy between Buttons and When I Grow Up, the Dolls take a moment to talk about dreams. Their dreams of becoming famous tarts have come true. If you follow your dreams, you too can learn to dance in nothing but panties and dangerously high heeled boots. Or you can take the stage with the Pussycat Dolls right then and there.

Now imagine that at this very moment the man next to you asks you to join him on stage. Keep in mind that in this little fantasy you are deeply in love with this man. And if in real life you would not be deeply in love with a man, in this fantasy you are a woman.

You got that?

So now you are standing on stage with both the man of your dreams and the Pussycat Dolls (OMJC!). The man of your dreams falls to one knee and the crowd explodes into cheers (OMG!) The man of your dreams mumbles some words about love into a microphone and you start to cry and he gets up and hugs you and the Dolls hug you and everyone’s crying and you are now getting married (OMFG!)

You can stop imaging now. Take a few deep breaths. Calm yourself down. I know that was a pretty mesmerizing exercise and you must be slightly exhausted.

Now that we are back in the real world, I am here to inform you that everything I just described above actually did happen in the real world. It happened last night. I was there. I saw the whole thing with my own two eyes and I can dig up seven witnesses to back my story.

Some guy actually proposed to his girlfriend on stage with the Pussycat Dolls at the Britney Spears concert last night. And for the record, said couple were not teenagers. I’m pretty sure they were pushing thirty.

Now, in the moment this was all very exciting. I’m sure it was even more exciting for the couple on stage. After some thought, however, I am a little appalled. A surprise proposal is fine. A surprise proposal that involves the Pussycat Dolls is just wrong.

The Pussycat Dolls are a manufactured pop group that is all about selling sex. The single that put them on the map asks whether or not some guy wishes his girlfriend where as “raw” as they are. Call me crazy, but that’s hardly the atmosphere in which I’d want to kick off a marriage. Then again, maybe I’m just old fashioned.

Perhaps nothing says monogamy, fidelity and matrimony quite like the Pussycat Dolls.