On Bartenders, Lust and Breaking Gidget’s Heart

His name was Gidget.

I didn’t notice him right away. To be honest, I didn’t notice much. At the very least I was a half a bottle of vodka into the night, and my powers of observation were a little numbed. What I did notice was that Scott was taking his sweet time at the bar. I looked up from the chair I had slumped into and noticed him haggling with the bartender. I went to investigate.

Scott and the bartender seemed to be in some kind of tepid debate over the price of our drinks. I plopped down in the stool next to Scott and struck up a conversation with the man to my right. His name was Deliverance Daddy.

Deliverance Daddy ended up buying me a shot. It was, after all, my thirtieth birthday. While serving the shot, the bartender asked me if Scott and I were together.

I laughed and downed the tiny glass of vodka. “Hell no!”

The bartender smiled and reached across to stroke my beard. “I am very glad to hear you are single.”

And so began my brief love affair with Gidget.

The rest of the night was a loud drunken blur of dancing, flirting with Deliverance Daddy in the hopes that he’d buy me more drinks and avoiding Scott’s whirling frame on the dance floor. It wasn’t until well into the wee hours of the morning that Gidget made his way out from behind the bar.

I spotted him immediately and went over. We began dancing together, the kind of dancing that is much too slow for the music and resembles sex more than the tango.

“I hope you like tall blond men,” he loudly whispered into my ear.

“I like you.” It was the cheesiest response I could think of and it slipped from my mouth like the delicious dialogue from any number of Gossip Girl episodes. “We need more men like you in Chicago.”

“What about tonight?” I felt his hands moving across the back of my thighs.

“We have right here, right now.” I felt like a daytime diva in a bad soap opera and I loved it. I took Gidget’s earlobe between my lips and gave it a teasing suck, nibbling on it with just the tip of my teeth. He whimpered loudly. Our dancing became more desperate and it was in those early hours of a cold Atlantic City morning that I came to find out that Gidget was packing a fairly impressive gadget.

Our moment was over quickly, however. Gidget had to get back to his post at the bar. I continued to dominate the dance floor until a head-on collision with Scott caused the lens to fly out of my glasses. It was a sign that it was time to go.

I said my goodbyes to Gidget, noting the longing on his face. I promised him I would be back the next night. He made me promise a second time. I did.

And I kept the promise. Scott and I were back the next night. When I went to the bar to buy our drinks, Gidget was there to greet me. He looked genuinely happy.

He reached across the bar to take my hand. “I had a really good time last night. And you are even more handsome than I remember.”

That, as it turns out, was my last real exchange with Gidget. The bar got crowded and he was the only one tending it. This was one romance that wasn’t meant to be.

I doubt I will ever see Gidget again. I also doubt that he will remember me for long. But I do know that he gave me one of the best birthday gifts anyone could have given me. He gave me the feeling of being wanted. He looked at me in a way that told me that I can be desirable to other men, men I might actually be interested in. He lusted after me and it felt amazing. And in the end, I was the one that got to break his heart.  And as cruel as it may sound, it felt damn good.

Here’s hoping I get to break a few more before I find the Gidget of my dreams.