On Sex, Love and What to Do if Your Partner Decides to Change His or Her Gender

What would you do if you discovered that the man you have spent years with decided he wanted to be a woman? How would you react if your wife sat you down to tell you that she wanted to become a man? Would the revelation that your partner wanted to change his or her gender change the way you felt about him or her?

This question came up the other day amongst a group of friends. It came up because we all know a woman who is facing this very issue. Her lesbian lover, whom she has been with for years, has recently started hormone treatments in order to make the transition from being a woman to being a man.

When the question was raised to me, I made a typically snide remark about not having to worry about such things because there is no way on God’s green Earth that I’ll ever have a partner, much less one who decides he wants to be a woman. There was much verbal patting on the back and strokes to me ego to follow. It still astounds me that people think they can just smile, tell me I’m cute and expect me to just magically feel better about my abysmal romantic situation.

But that’s another post.

The more I thought about the idea of having a partner who wanted to switch genders, however, the more I realized what an awful situation it would be. On one hand you have love. When you love someone you are supposed to love them for life. On the other hand, you have sex. No matter what anyone tells you, sexual appeal is an important ingredient to a successful relationship.

So what do you do?

If I were to fall in love with a man who wanted to become a woman, I don’t think my love for him would suddenly disappear. When I love, I love deeply. I love truly. And I would like to think that if push came to shove, I love for the long haul.

And yet, I can’t lie. I love having sex with a man. I love kissing a man and feeling a man curled up next to me in bed. I love a man’s hands. I love a man’s scent. And not to be vulgar, but I love a man’s penis. If I were to date someone who decided he’d rather have breasts and a vagina then a penis, I’d certainly have to rethink the relationship.

And yet, it would kill me to pull away from someone I love because of a personal decision on their part, a personal decision that would be excruciating to make. At the same time, however, I don’t think I could continue to love that person in the same way. I’d like to think it would not matter, but it would,

But I’d still love him. I’d support him fiercely. I’d be there every step of the way. In the end, however, my love, like his gender, would change.

What would you do?