Home > Outside the Box, Television > On Worms, Tape and Why I Can’t Scratch My Itchy Butt

On Worms, Tape and Why I Can’t Scratch My Itchy Butt

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 Leave a comment Go to comments

My butt is itchy. It is so so itchy. But I dare not scratch it. Scratching my butt is not in the cards. If I scratch my itchy butt, I’m liable to end up with little worms living inside me. Not that they are not already there. If my butt is itching, they are there. But scratching my butt will just compound the problem.

Or maybe my butt is just itchy because I happened to catch a segment on Oprah about worms and now I am all paranoid about what could be living inside me at the moment.

The deal with the itchy butt is kind of disgusting. There are these tiny worms that can get into your body when you get their eggs on your fingers and then ingest them. They hatch on your colon and live in your body. And then your butt gets itchy.

Why does your butt get itchy? There are worms on it.

Seems the mother worms work their way out of your anus during the night and lay eggs on your butt. And these eggs are itchy. So you scratch your butt. And then you get eggs on your fingers and end up ingesting more worms.

Those little wiggly buggers are sneaky.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have worms. If I did, I’d most likely be able to see them in my poop. But if I want to be sure, I can put a piece of tape of my anus tonight and then see if there are any eggs on it in the morning.

I’m not kidding. I saw this on Oprah, and everything you see on Oprah is real.

So if your butt is itchy in the morning, you might want to find some tape and stop it up the next night. You might have worms. Or you could just have an itchy butt, in which case you should probably take a shower.

But worry not. Worms are common and all you need to do is take a pill and you’ll be all cleaned up. There’s nothing to panic about.

If you want something to panic about, panic about the tiny catfish that is attracted to urine and can wiggle into and live in your naughty bits.

  1. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 6:16 am | #1

    Gross. And the catfish… I don’t know if I can ever go swimming in a lake again.

  2. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 8:22 am | #2

    Oh my now if my butt gets itchy i’ll be all paranoid and shit. I am definitely not swimming in any lakes or non man-made water entities. Ewwww!!!!

  3. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 10:52 am | #3

    Once again, you are always such pleasant reading at lunchtime… ;P

  4. annairbegap
    Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 11:58 am | #4

    I saw that Oprah episode, too. And those of you worried about the penis fish, don’t, because you get it from swimming in the Amazon. If you try the tape-over-the-hole thing, Dr. Sparky, you should definitely let us know!

  5. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 1:31 pm | #5

    DS…leave it to you to post about the very show I saw last night of Oprah’s (TiVO). That show was so disgusting I just had to watch. LOL. That Dr. Oz is s kick in the pants.

    Needless to say, I ain’t going swimming in the Amazon River any time soon.

  6. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 3:48 pm | #6

    Yet another post that leaves me speechless…

  7. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 5:45 pm | #7

    Worms, huh?

    And here I thought my itchy butt was because of that special shaving I did for IML…

  8. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 5:51 pm | #8

    I caught the tapeworm segment (no pun intended) when they got to the hookworm, I was outta there!

  9. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 6:57 pm | #9

    we MUST get you addicted to some other TV shows

  10. Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 9:54 pm | #10

    endoparasites are nasty; but not as disgusting as ectoparasites.

  11. Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 10:02 pm | #11

    i have tiny white worms in my butt and i don’t know how to get ride of them

  12. cassidy
    Monday, January 28, 2008 at 9:00 pm | #12

    i have worms and i get them often because i bite my nails. i am scared to take dump because i amscared to see the worms.
    -cassidy♥

  13. me
    Thursday, February 7, 2008 at 1:13 am | #13

    I have them and I haven’t said antying to anyone about them I want to tell my mom but I don’t know what to say or her reaction!

  14. buttitcher
    Monday, April 21, 2008 at 11:25 pm | #14

    ya my butt itches

  15. Mark
    Friday, May 9, 2008 at 2:37 am | #15

    To pashence, Cassidy and “me”,
    just go to the doctor already. Worms aren’t necessarily a hygiene thing, and you can’t get rid of them on your own. The only gross thing is you leaving them to multiply in your gut.

  16. Wednesday, June 10, 2009 at 10:39 pm | #16

    My ass is freaking itchy all day and those worms only come out at night? so i don’t really know what to do…. but i’m not sure ether cause i’m a nail biter… i’m going to the doctor…. by the way catfish up my specialty area. never again swimming in a lake or anything.

  17. stacie
    Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 3:18 am | #17

    hey, just wondering if anyone knew how to get rid of them without going to GP? my itch is constant all day and night!!! but i dont want to see the GP because its embarrasing!!! eeeek!! let me know if you have any ideas… thanks stacie x

  18. butt-itcher
    Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 5:49 pm | #18

    OMG one morning i woke up and my butt was itching like CRAZY i didn’t want to tell anybody at that time cause i thought it would stop in a few min. but no it went on and on. i thought there was something wrong with me and i had a bad problem that could not be solved thank gosh i found this site im now worm free! :)

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